I guess the first sign it was going to be one of those days was when the girls starting waking up about every couple of hours. If it wasn’t Sabrina whimpering (our new baby) it was our five-year-old, Ashley crying out because of growing pains in her legs. To top it all off, Sabrina decided getting up at 6:00 am was a great idea and not going back to sleep until noon.
But I did not let the sleepless night get to me. No, I just pushed forward and started my day at 6:00 am. After getting the whole family up and out the door, we headed to a church meeting. I was really looking forward to the speakers and hearing some music to lift my spirits. However, I was met with total resentences from our fourteen-year-old son. On any other day, I would have chalked it up to him just being a teen, but for some reason I was shocked. Maybe because it was Mother’s Day and after all I did bring him into this world. But that did not stop him from pointing out all my faults as a mother while the speakers read poems and talks about why mothers are wonderful.
You can imagine how I must have been feeling. I felt I had let my children down. My writing was effecting how they saw me. But then my five-year-old put her hand on mine and said, “Mommy, I love you. You’re the best mommy ever. Don’t be sad. I want you to be happy.” I could feel the tears sting my eyes wanting to pour out. I looked down at my little baby and all I saw was total trust and love.
I again felt good about my choices until my hubby was about to drag our son out of the building for acting up. I, being the wonderful mom I thought I was, tried to calm both of them down. Which only led to my hubby pointing out, “Now our son thinks he can get away with acting like a real jerk in public because you’re afraid of me causing a scene by dragging him out.” I again felt like the worst mom and now wife.
The thing is . . . even though my Mother’s Day did not turn out the way I wanted it to; I know have a great scene in which I can use in a book. So I may not always be the best mom. But if I was, I would not have any material to use in my writings either. I guess you can say my fourteen-year-old without knowing it still gave me a Mother’s Day present . . . even if it was not the one I was looking for.
Looking back on yesterday I realized I still have a lot to learn about being a writing mama. Finding the balance is not always easy. My son only reminded me of that. I worked most of his young life and now as a teen he does not understand I am trying to make up for all the lost time. It’s nice to be home raising my children and doing what I love . . . writing, but my kids don’t always see it that way. Sometimes the muse strikes and I want to sit down and write, but my five-year-old decides it is time for me to play Candyland with her instead. Or maybe my son needs help with his science project. And now, I have a new baby who is also cutting into their time.
The other thing I realized is sometimes I am not always patient. I tend to blow a fuse when I don’t get done the things I wanted. The thing I need to remember is my work will always be there waiting for me, but my children will not. One day they will be adults, grown-up and out in the world. The reality is my son will be heading out to college in four years. My daughters won’t be far behind. Gone will be the days their little hands will wrap around mine and they will say, “Mommy, I love you. You’re the best mommy ever. Don’t be sad. I want you to be happy.”